I’ve been hearing so many astoundingly stupid things that doctors and other health professionals (including nurses, dietitians, personal trainers and naturopaths) have said to my clients lately, that I thought I’d combine them all into a blog post for you to have a good laugh at (or a good cry, depending on how you see things). When I put out a call on Facebook to see if other people have been on the receiving end of Amazingly Stupid Advice, I was bowled over by the response.
Here are some of my absolute favourites… if that’s the right word for it:
From a dietitian to a client who eats a wholefood, plant-based diet, cooking most of her own food from scratch:
“You should eat marshmallows.”
Umm, I can’t think of any nutrients that are supplied by marshmallows, unless you count sugar, artificial colours and gelatin as nutrients.
A client who’s a nurse was lamenting to a colleague that most of the difficult and unsavoury tasks they’re required to do simply wouldn’t be necessary if patients took better care of themselves (ate better, lost weight, quit smoking, exercised more…). Her colleague replied,
“But their conditions are hereditary.”
Really? Obesity, lung cancer, COPD and diverticulitis are hereditary? Who knew?
From a doctor to a guy who was suffering the excruciating pain of acute appendicitis:
“Just breathe in and suck your belly in just like when you walk on the beach and you’ll feel better.”
Wow. Just wow.
From a GP to a client who had just gone vegan, and who had asked the GP if it was healthy:
“I don’t think so, because we are natural carnivores – just look at our eye teeth.”
She asked him how much study of nutrition he had done in his medical degree, and he answered,
“Oh, about 6 hours all up”.
Well, at least he was honest.
From a ‘holistic’ doctor (who is overweight and puts all her patients on hundreds of dollars of supplements) to an acquaintance:
“If you’re a vegan, I can’t help you. All vegans are sick.”
Yep, that’s what the Seventh Day Adventist Health Studies clearly show.
From an overweight, unhealthy female GP to a client:
“If you get pregnant and you eat a vegan diet without any eggs or milk I’ll need to report you to DoCS, just so you know”.
My client is now pregnant and thriving. She no longer sees that doctor, I’m pleased to say!
From a GP to a vegan woman:
“You know how much spinach you need to get to get as much iron as less meat?”
Actually, as Professor T. Colin Campbell documented, rural Chinese people eating almost no animal products consumed an average of 34 mg of iron per day, compared to 18 mg per day in Americans eating an animal product-laden diet. All of their markers of iron status were perfectly normal.
From a doctor to a woman, just before she went vegan:
“Your chronic migraines will never go away, and the only way to treat your bowel problems is with pills.”
She ditched animal products and processed food, and her migraines and bowel issues were gone within 2 weeks, except for the odd stress-induced migraine.
From a GP to a client, who had a simple head cold:
“Do you want antibiotics for that?”
Duh – colds are caused by viruses, and antibiotics don’t work against them!!!
From a specialist to a client, when asked to explain how a particular drug works:
“It’s complicated.”
My client replied,
“Try me. I’m not as stupid as I look.”
The doctor then went on to explain, but the patronising attitude behind the initial response sets my teeth on edge!
From a GP who owns a vineyard and sells his wine to patients, to an acquaintance’s husband:
“Drink red wine – it’s good for your health!”
Actually, careful analysis which excludes ‘sick quitters’ from the non-drinker group (i.e. health outcomes in drinkers are compared to outcomes in lifelong non-drinkers, not people who used to drink but gave it up) shows that alcohol consumption offers no benefits to the vast majority of people.
Same GP, when my acquaintance’s husband (who had switched to a plant based diet and no longer needed his diabetes medication) asked him why no one mentions that Type 2 diabetes can be cured with diet:
“Most people can’t be bothered and would rather stay on medication and eat whatever got them into the problem in the first place.”
So we shouldn’t give any Type 2 diabetics the right information, just because they may not like it? Again, how utterly patronising.
From a (very expensive) pediatrician to a client who is raising her son as a vegan:
“You don’t want your son to end up as a council worker [due to iron deficiency-induced brain damage] do you?”
This one floored me. Not just the disgusting attitude toward council workers – implying that they’re mentally deficient – but also the stunning ignorance of the fact that iron deficiency anaemia is no more common in vegans than omnivores, and some studies have shown that children raised on plant-based diets have a higher IQ than omnivorous children (possibly because people with a higher IQ have a higher likelihood of going vegetarian or vegan, and smarter parents tend to have smarter children, but at the very least it’s clear that a vegan diet doesn’t prevent children from developing their full intellectual potential).
From a personal trainer to a client’s friend:
“Saturated fat is good for you, but potatoes and grains aren’t.”
Sigh.
From a personal trainer to a client at the gym (overheard by a friend who’s also a PT):
“Eat cheesy pizza right after your workouts – that is the perfect time to do it!”
Perfect, because???
From a doctor to a vegan woman:
“There is no way meat is linked to cancer.”
I’m pleased to add that as soon as that was said, she laughed, told him he needed to research health and nutrition, and walked out. I wonder how this doctor reacted to the recent WHO report on red and processed meat and their relationship to cancer?
From a GP to a man who struggled with high cholesterol and blood pressure:
“Eat 3 steaks a week for good heart health.”
Evidence-based medicine, at its best. The man went plant based, lowered his blood pressure and cholesterol dramatically, but the same GP told him to continue taking his cholesterol and blood pressure lowering drugs, even though he no longer needs them. (And in fact taking blood pressure meds when you don’t need them is dangerous – it can cause falls and strokes.) I’m happy to report that the man no longer takes any medications.
From a doctor:
“You definitely can’t cure type two diabetes with diet, once you’ve got it, you’ve got it for life.“
Double face-palm.
From a doctor to a woman who was recovering from anorexia nervosa, and had clawed back up to 50 kilos (with a height of 163 cm, that put her BMI at just under 19 – barely in the healthy weight range of 18.5-24.9):
“You need to lose at least 8 kg.”
Brilliant, that would put her BMI at under 16… and put her back in the eating disorders unit. Luckily she was far enough along in recovery to dismiss his asinine comment. I shudder to think what would have happened to her otherwise.
From a GP to a woman complaining of extreme consistent back pain, after viewing her xrays:
“There is no physical issue or reason for your pain – it’s all in your head. Take more ibuprofen”
After taking 8+ ibuprofens per day for years, she finally saw a chiropractor, who examined her old xrays and immediately detected that she had a fractured vertebra. Too shocking for words!
From a GP to a woman complaining of period pain:
“Getting pregnant would be a great help for sorting that out.”
Brilliant, thanks so much.
From a paediatrician to the mother of a type 1 diabetic, who was concerned about how to manage his nutrition in a split parenting situation:
“That’s fine – I go by the scales. I don’t care what he eats; if he’s putting on weight he is healthy.”
Right, so by that logic obese people are healthy. And all the terrible complications of type 1 diabetes, such as kidney failure, blindness, heart disease and peripheral neuropathy aren’t affected one little bit by what the diabetic person eats.
From a female GP when asked by a pregnant women about options for where to have her baby, for example in a birth centre as opposed to the maternity ward:
“What are you worrying about that for? You’ll be laying on a bed and they’ll cut you open to get the baby out anyway.”
Because the only possible way to have a baby is by casesarean section. I’m pleased to report the woman never went back to that GP.
From a GP to a sensitive teenager, as reported by her mum:
“You’re overweight for a teenager…what works for me is just a cup of tea in the morning, skip lunch and a big dinner, I’m slim so it obviously works.”
Brilliant advice. Just brilliant.
From a GP to a woman struggling with IBS and chronic fatigue:
“Your blood tests are all fine so you don’t have anything wrong with you, your IBS and fatigue are all in your head.“
Because we all know that IBS and CFS can be diagnosed from a blood test!
From a gastroenterologist who had just removed a few polyps from a client during a routine colonoscopy, and was asked by my client how she could prevent these from appearing in the future:
“You can’t, just come back in 3 years and we’ll check again for any. If we find them, we’ll remove them.”
The client asked,
“But isn’t there a way I can prevent them from occurring in the first place? Can what I eat have an effect on them?”
The doctor replied,
“Oh, of course not! In fact, you should really consume more calcium because you’re vegan. You’ll never get all the calcium you need from spinach!!!”
Tremendous advice, considering she had told my client she was also highly lactose intolerant too!
From a doctor to the mother of a constipated baby (as reported to me by a colleague):
“Feed the baby french fries to lubricate the bowel.”
The same colleague told me that a different doctor had told a pregnant woman who was suffering fatigue:
“You are yeast deficient – you should start drinking beer.”
Trust me, I’m a doctor.
From a cardiologist to an acquaintance who is now an accomplished plant-based chef (Adam Guthrie – check him out!), when he complained that the medications he was put on after his heart attack were making him feel sick:
“The reason you are feeling sick is because of the side effects of the medications, but you need to get use to it because you will be on them for the rest of your life”.
Adam replied;
“I don’t think so!”
That afternoon he began researching his options, and discovered a whole food plant based diet. He began following it and was off all medications within 6 months. 6 years later he’s still off medications, is 30kg lighter, looks and feels younger and completed his first Ironman triathlon. Adam says,
“Looking back, those words were the best words he could have said to me because it motivated me to find another way. I’m so grateful for those words.”
From a doctor to a woman who was putting on weight and feeling tired:
“Your symptoms are all in your head – you’re depressed.”
After seeing him twice weekly for months with the same complaints, finally he examined her expanding abdomen and told her she may have an ovarian cyst. He sent her off to have an ultrasound… which revealed that she was 18 weeks pregnant!!
The woman’s mother-in-law saw the same GP, complaining of had pain in her legs. He brushed it off as “old age”. Sadly, she died 6 months later from cancer that had spread to her bones.
From a psychiatrist to a client, in a social setting:
“There’s some nasty viruses going around, but I should be fine, as I’ve had all the vaccinations.”
Yes, because we all know that getting a vaccine for one disease protects you against other diseases.
And finally, from a GP to me, when I presented with my 6 year old son who had been complaining of increasingly intense headaches, and morning vomiting without nausea, diarrhoea or fever (classic signs of raised intracranial pressure, as I pointed out to her):
“It’s just gastric flu. There’s a bad bout of it going around.”
He was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour 4 weeks later. (Don’t worry; he made a full recovery and is now a thriving teenager!)
Please share YOUR favourite Amazingly Stupid Advice from a Health Professional by commenting below. We all need a good laugh sometimes ;-).
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