Ahhh, love! Everybody wants to find it, but many of us don’t quite know where to look. We may find ourselves blindly following the path that everybody else seems to be on, only to discover that it doesn’t lead to the place we expected it to (cue that legendary Talking Heads song ‘Once in a Lifetime‘…).
But then what? How can we develop a more reliable map than the one we inherited from our family, or acquired from our culture?
Recently, a client whom I’ll call Adam, told me that he wanted to work on attracting the partner of his dreams.
His previous relationship had ended not long ago, and as he worked his way through the aftermath of that break-up, he had begun to realise that there were fundamental incompatibilities between he and his ex-partner that had resulted in many of his needs not being met. At the time, he had suppressed his awareness of these incompatibilities, and simply followed the road that those around him seemed to expect him to take.
We had already done quite a lot of EFT on the circumstances of the break-up, and now he wanted to move onto some more positive tapping. But although EFT is absolutely brilliant for installing positive thoughts and shifting us from downbeat to upbeat emotional states, it’s vital to clear out the old negative baggage first, as I explained to Adam.
To test how ready he was to attract his ideal partner, I first had him describe her characteristics. This was easy for him, as he had already done a lot of thinking about what was missing for him in his previous relationship.
However, when I asked him to rate his level of confidence that he could attract a person like this, it was very low. Adam realised that fundamentally, he did not feel worthy of having such a woman in his life, or confident that she would love him back.
To clear these limiting beliefs, we had to do a lot of tapping on incidents that pre-dated his most recent break-up, going right back into his adolescence, when he felt (as so many of us did!) awkward and inhibited; and even further back, into a childhood that was disrupted by parental discord and divorce.
For homework, I asked Adam to write a list of the characteristics he would like to have in a future partner, and then tap on what we call ‘yes-buts’ in EFT – the little rejoinders that come from the back of our minds when we try to tell ourselves positive things. (“Yes, I would love to have a supportive, emotionally responsive woman in my life… but she’d run a mile when she found out how messed up I am inside.”)
‘Yes-buts’ are like gold for me as an EFT practitioner: they tell me why a client is not making progress toward their stated goals, and provide a clear target for EFT tapping.
During our next consultation, I asked Adam how worthy he felt of having the woman of his dreams come into his life. “Absolutely worthy!” was his answer. We still have some work to do on his map of love, but at least now that map will be free of the most dangerous dead-end – the self-sabotage that invariably happens when we don’t feel worthy of our heart’s desire.
Are limiting beliefs holding you back from achieving your health and life goals? I use EFT and Matrix Reimprinting extensively with my clients, to help dissolve the beliefs that hold them back from being happy and healthy.
If you would like to learn more about how EFT and Matrix Reimprinting can help you overcome limiting beliefs, apply for a Roadmap to Optimal Health Consultation.
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