Why you should make “Be Kind to Myself” your #1 New Year’s Resolution

Recently, I received an email from one of my clients, whom I had just introduced to EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques, popularly known these days as ‘tapping’).

This woman, whom I’ll call Dixie, has lived a full and interesting life. Along with her many personal and professional achievements have come significant challenges, including a brush with cancer. Now in her 70s, she still throws herself full-tilt into life, working in a voluntary capacity in various community organisations.

So I was more than a little chuffed when this veritable powerhouse of resourcefulness wrote me the following email, which I’ve reproduced with her permission:

“Dear Robyn

Tapping is turning out to be tapping into resources that I’ve ignored for years – self-kindness first among them!”

Dixie”

Now, this caught my interest because it’s a constant refrain of mine when I’m working with clients: if you want to make positive changes in your life, you have to start by loving and accepting yourself where you are right now.

This principle is enshrined in the ‘set-up statement’ that we use in EFT: “Even though I have this [whatever the problem is, be it a physical pain, uncomfortable emotion, traumatic memory, limiting belief or virtually anything else you want to change], I deeply and completely accept myself.”

I wrote back to Dixie,

“I’m so glad you’re discovering (or rediscovering) the great benefits of self-kindness. I’m coming to believe it’s the well from which all that’s truly good in the world springs.”

And she replied:

“Hmm … maybe that’s why we think of it as Love.

Years of relying on self-discipline can squash the inmost certainty that we also deserve our own Love.

Thank you Robyn”

Her words spoke straight to my heart, and I wrote back:

“Yes, in one sentence I think you’ve summed up all the problems that I see with relying on self-discipline and will-power (what I call attempting to change by kicking oneself up the rear end), as opposed to LOVING ourselves into making the changes that we desire.

How long does a change last, and how deep does it really go, when it’s something we force on ourselves? About as long as such a behavioural change would last if we forced it on one of our children, with the threat of punishment for non-compliance.

But when we inspire the child to want to change, and show them that they already have within them the seeds of goodness that will allow that change, the change is deep and often permanent.”

One of the many wise sayings attributed to Jesus Christ is “Love your neighbour as yourself.” Although this admonition has at times been used to promote self-martyrdom, I take it to mean that you can only love another person as well as you’re able to love yourself.

If you’re harsh, self-critical, intolerant of your own failings, and refuse to accept yourself until you’re ‘perfect’, it’s likely that you’ll feel that way toward others – even if you try to mask those feelings in an attempt to be a ‘nice person’.

This is why I urge you, as the New Year begins, to resolve to be kind to yourself every day. Notice the way you speak to yourself, the way you judge yourself both when you’re successful and when you don’t reach your goals, and the conditions you put on self-acceptance.

Experiment with speaking to yourself as you would to your dearest friend: with appreciation, encouragement and understanding. I’d love to hear from you about the difference this makes to your self-esteem, your relationships with others, and your ability to achieve your aspirations.

Please leave a comment below; sharing your experiences is an act of kindness to others too :).

Happy New Year!

Are you frustrated by your inability to achieve your health and life goals? It’s possible that you’re being held back by a lack of self-acceptance – that is, not knowing how to be kind to yourself!

I use EFT and Matrix Reimprinting extensively with my clients, to help dissolve the blocks that hold them back from being happy and healthy. If you would like to learn more about how EFT and Matrix Reimprinting can help you, apply for a Roadmap to Optimal Health Consultation.