Do you ever find yourself getting things out of proportion? Do you become enraged when your boss ‘gives you that look’ or your child ‘uses that tone of voice’? Maybe your partner has told you you’re overreacting – which probably drives you bananas!
Chances are, you have some baggage in your locker that’s driving your excessive or inappropriate feelings.
Fiona’s story
Fiona* came to her appointment with a problem: she was overreacting to minor conflicts with her boss. She reported that whenever she had a disagreement with him about a work matter, he would confer with her assistant, and then her assistant would agree with the boss! This left Fiona feeling hurt, betrayed, frustrated and incompetent.
She was starting to lose her confidence at work, and was worried that her boss was trying to squeeze her out in favour of her assistant, although her rational mind kept trying to reassure her that she was highly experienced and very good at her job, and no one was gunning for her.
I started by asking Fiona to focus on the feelings she was having about her work situation, and we did some initial EFT tapping on those feelings. I also asked her what those feelings reminded her of – when had she felt them before?
I find this a great question we can all ask ourselves, when we’re overreacting to a present situation. That overreaction is usually driven by an earlier life experience in which we felt overwhelmed by a particular feeling, and powerless to change the situation, or our reaction to it.
Many of these ‘initiating events’ occurred in childhood, when inexperience and emotional immaturity make us vulnerable to being overwhelmed by strong feelings.
Fiona reported that she’d felt like this during her marriage. Her ex-husband constantly put her down and criticised everything she did. Although I knew Fiona had been divorced, we had never discussed what initiated the break-up. Suddenly intuition prompted me to ask what had happened.
It turned out that Fiona’s ex had cheated on her right through their marriage. She later found out that he had been having an affair with her bridesmaid, and the two had even had a sexual tryst on Fiona’s wedding day. Fiona was gutted when she discovered this. She felt absolutely worthless – even though she had done nothing wrong.
Suddenly all the lights came on! Fiona had been betrayed all those years ago, by a man whom she felt had power over her, and a woman who was supposed to be her support and ally. Now her unconscious mind was reacting to her work situation – a male boss with power over her, and a female assistant whom she thought was supposed to be ‘on her side’ – as if she was back in that dreadful situation.
No wonder she was overreacting to any conflict with her boss! We tapped on her feelings about the betrayal, until she felt quite calm, and really ‘got it’ that she wasn’t the one who ought to have been feeling worthless about what happened.
With that weight off her shoulders, she felt quite calm about her work situation, and was confident that she would be able to handle future disagreements with her boss. She also saw that her sensitivity to, and her reaction to, what she had been perceiving as criticism by her boss, had probably led him to bypass her and seek support from her assistant. She left with her peace of mind and sense of competence restored.
How about you?
All of us have some baggage stored in the ‘locker’ known as our unconscious mind. The unconscious mind stores a psycho-physiological memory of all our past unresolved traumas, and compulsively reactivates our original response to those traumas whenever we find ourselves in some situation that is even vaguely reminiscent of them.
In Fiona’s case, her unconscious mind was smelling betrayal where that was none, and driving her to re-enact the same response she had had to the real betrayal.
So next time you find yourself blowing up over something insignificant that your partner, boss, colleague or child says, open up your baggage locker and take a look inside. I’m willing to bet there are one or more incidents from your past when you felt that way, or people you’ve known who ‘made you feel’ that way.
EFT is the perfect tool to finally resolve and release your feelings about what happened then, so you’re free to respond appropriately to what’s really happening now.
* (Name changed to protect her privacy)
I use Matrix Reimprinting extensively with my clients, to help dissolve their internal blocks to happiness and health.
If you would like to learn more about how Matrix Reimprinting can heal your past and transform your future, apply for a Roadmap to Optimal Health Consultation.
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