I often joke to clients that I can estimate the probability of them enjoying good health now, and remaining vibrant and active into old age, using a simple mathematical formula:
Σ GH – Σ BH = FAH
where Σ is the mathematical symbol for ‘sum of’, GH stands for ‘good habits’, BH for ‘bad habits’ and FAH represents Freakin’ Awesome Health. In other works, add up all your health promoting habits such as planning and batch cooking nutritious meals, exercising regularly, getting adequate sleep and practising mindfulness, meditation or intentional relaxation; subtract your health-diminishing habits such as eating junk food, smoking, drinking excess alcohol, staying up too late and ruminating on everything that you think is wrong with you (or others), and can pretty much predict how you’re going to be feeling and functioning both now and in the future.
However, breaking bad habits and establishing good ones is not a straightforward process for most people. The idea is simple – stop doing stuff that you know is harmful and that don’t want to do anymore, and start doing stuff that you know is good for you and will make your life better – but the implementation is complex.
As a Lifestyle Medicine Practitioner, my entire clinical practice is focused on helping people change their habits. I’ve taken many courses, read countless books and reflected deeply on my personal and professional successes and failures with habit change to become better at coaching my clients to help themselves change.
Aside from incorporating Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) into my practice, the single most helpful thing I’ve ever learned about habit change has been the Four Tendencies framework for understanding how people respond to inner and outer expectations.
I first stumbled across the concept of the Four Tendencies while listening to an interview on the Rich Roll podcast with prolific author Gretchen Rubin, who conceived the idea during her own personal odyssey to understand why changing our behaviour is sometimes so damn hard… and sometimes effortless.
Intrigued by Rubin’s ideas, I took the online quiz that she has developed to help people identify their own Tendency (and those of others they live and work with), and quickly discovered that I am an Upholder – the second least common of the Tendencies, and the one that forms and maintains habits the most easily.
No surprise to my husband, who is only too familiar with my attachment to my morning routine (get up, make a cup of tea, meditate, do 40 minutes of weight training on a rotating schedule of upper body, core and lower body, respond to emails, then get ready for work) or, most likely, to my dog, who knows exactly when to show up for his afternoon walk!
But it was illuminating to me to finally understand the reason why the strategies that have always served me so well when it comes to establishing and maintaining all my health-supporting habits don’t work nearly as well for the vast majority of my clients, and in fact backfire for some of them (particularly Rebels, the least common of the Tendencies).
The pivotal insight that Gretchen Rubin had about habit formation is that it is intimately related to how individuals respond to outer expectations – the expectations that others, or society, has of us (or at least, the expectations that we perceive they have of us), such as work deadlines, pressure to participate in family events, and obeying the speed limit – and inner expectations – the expectations we have of ourselves, such as exercising or meditating regularly, sticking to a healthy diet, or completing a marathon we signed up for.
The vigour with which we either respond to or resist these two types of expectations results in four patterns:
- Upholders, who respond readily to both inner and outer expectations;
- Questioners, who respond readily to inner expectations but resist outer expectations;
- Obligers, who respond readily to outer expectations but resist inner expectations; and
- Rebels, who resist both outer and inner expectations.
My Questioner son can easily discipline himself to study for his HSC, because he has an inner expectation of himself to achieve a good result; but can’t be persuaded to brush his hair, because he doesn’t care about his personal appearance and doesn’t respect anyone who does!
My Rebel daughter would like to exercise regularly, but every time she tries to bind herself to a routine, she ends up abandoning it within a few weeks.
Many of my clients are Obligers – they knock themselves out cooking two or three meals to cater for their husband and children’s varying food preferences, but break their own intentions to eat healthfully because they’ve run out of time and energy in looking after everyone else.
Now that I understand what makes each Tendency ‘tick’ when it comes to habit formation, I’m able to customise my approach to coaching my clients through the change process far more effectively.
The external accountability that Obligers absolutely require in order to be successful in changing their behaviour backfires for Rebels, who instead need to tie the new behaviour to an aspect of their identity that they wish to express; is unnecessary for Questioners, who need to understand – preferably in great detail, with scientific references!!!! – the rationale for the behaviour and how to customise it to their preferences; and is also redundant for Upholders, who just need to figure out how to fit it into their schedule… sometimes by dumping a habit that no longer serves them, but that they haven’t quite been able to let go of yet.
Different strokes for different folks, as the saying goes.
But rather than randomly trying approaches to habit change that have worked for others without any clue whether they’ll be effective for you, if you gain an understanding of your Tendency, and learn how to harness its strengths and strategically mitigate its weaknesses, you’ll be far more successful at tipping the health equation in your favour.
Want to learn more about harnessing the Four Tendencies framework to supercharge both your bad habit-busting and good habit-boosting? Watch my webinar ‘The Four Tendencies and Habit Change’ by activating your free 1 month trial of EmpowerEd membership.
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