Fear is one of our most primal emotions, and it serves a very useful purpose: it prevents us from needlessly doing stupid and dangerous things! It’s safe to assume that fearless cave-people who didn’t heed their extremely sensible fear of leaving the cave after dark, or approaching very large animals with very sharp teeth, got weeded out of the gene pool rather quickly.
But most of the fears that assail us in modern times are far less functional and protective, and can in fact hold us back from achieving more success in our lives, meeting new friends and romantic partners, or simply having more fun.
Jane* was experiencing just such a fear when she came to see me. She was heading off on the overseas trip of a lifetime in just 1 month, and she was afraid of flying – especially take-offs and landings. That was a real problem, because she was going to be doing no less than 12 take-offs and landings on her holiday!
Fear of flying is generally very complex and multi-faceted. Some people are afraid of the noises and vibration; some freak out when the cabin doors are closed; some fear the sudden feeling of weightlessness when the aircraft hits turbulence; others are beset by fears such as that the wings will drop off, or the engines will catch on fire.
When treating flying phobias with EFT, each of these is addressed as a separate aspect.
Jane’s fear was very specific: she was afraid of dying in a plane crash and leaving her children (all young adults) to face life without her help and care. It wasn’t death itself that frightened her, so much as the thought that as she went to her death, she would be overcome by grief that she would miss out on what happened to them in their lives, and that she just wouldn’t be there for them.
As Jane was new to EFT, we commenced with some simple tapping on the fear she felt in her gut when she thought about her upcoming trip. The fear subsided rapidly, so we moved on to her memory of the last time she had taken a plane trip. Just thinking about that last flight brought her anxiety up, so I decided to use Matrix Reimprinting to transform the feelings she had about this memory.
We commenced by having Jane, in her imagination, approach her ECHO (traumatised younger self) as she sat on the plane, and tap on her for her fear of dying and abandoning her children. For reassurance that she would be safe, we brought in an angel to enfold Jane’s ECHO in her wings. Jane’s grandmother also came in, to pass on some of her inner strength.
As Jane tapped on her ECHO for her fears about her children and how they would cope without her, she realised that whatever happened to her, they would, in fact, cope – just as she had coped with all that life had thrown at her.
With all her fears relieved, Jane’s ECHO decided that she wanted an upgrade to business class, so we moved her there and let her fall asleep, still enfolded in the angel’s wings. When we finished the session, Jane was completely unable to muster up any fear of flying.
Over the next week, she tested herself out in various ways. Thinking about the upcoming flights didn’t bother her anymore. When she tried to bring up the memory of her last plane trip, all she could see in her imagination was the image of herself on that business class seat, wrapped in the angel’s wings. She even drove past the airport to see if she could stir up her anxiety, but instead she felt excited about the upcoming trip.
The only fear she had, was that the anxiety about flying would return when she was actually on the plane.
Over the next couple of sessions, we tapped on every aspect of fear of flying that we could come up with, as well as memories of childhood fears. Finally, we dealt with the ‘anxiety gremlin’ that incessantly nagged her to make sure she didn’t forget anything she needed to take with her! By our last pre-trip session, Jane was feeling perfectly relaxed about flying.
But of course, ‘real life’ is the only test of whether the tapping has actually worked. On Jane’s return, she told me that she had done some EFT after she boarded the first flight – not because she was anxious, but because she figured she should tap anyway.
After that she completely forgot to tap and had no need of it whatsoever. She enjoyed looking out the aircraft window, and made a game of noticing and categorising all the aircraft noises.
Dealing with her flying phobia didn’t just ensure that Jane had a great holiday – it restored her sense of her own resourcefulness, and her faith in her children’s ability to find their way through life’s minefield even when she was no longer there to guide them.
* Name changed to protect confidentiality.
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