Recently I conducted a Matrix Reimprinting session with a client whom I’ll call Devorah. She was struggling with the enormous sense of pressure she felt to live up to the ideal of womanhood that her religious community espouses.
She felt compelled to do everything perfectly: to always be a calm, loving mother, meeting all her children’s needs; while running her household efficiently, cooking nutritious meals, earning a living, and serving her community. In particular, she felt she hadn’t been a good enough mother lately; she desperately wanted to be, but felt she just didn’t have enough resources.
Devorah had been ‘flashing back’ repeatedly to a scene from when she was in her early teens, and her youngest brother had just been born. She vividly recalled sitting in the corridor outside the hospital room where the rest of her family were getting to know her baby brother.
But she refused to go in and see him because she was so angry with her parents for bringing another child into the family, when she felt they were not coping with the ones they already had.
From a Matrix Reimprinting point of view, the reason we recall these scenes so vividly is because they were crucial in the formation of our beliefs, and our habitual emotional response to the world. This was plainly a memory that had deep resonance for Devorah in her adult life, and it was ripe for the reimprinting process!
I led Devorah back in her imagination to help her teenage self, tapping on her for her anger, resentment and annoyance at her parents. Her teenage self expressed a desire to have a space of her own that she could retreat to whenever she felt the need for solitude – without having to wait until she was so overwrought that she ‘snapped’ and was banished to another room for being grumpy.
Since one of the crucial elements of Matrix Reimprinting is to equip our younger selves with everything they need to make the situation better for them, I instructed Devorah to let her teenage self design and create the perfect teenage room, which she did with great gusto!
Devorah’s teen self also needed a special friend to confide in and get support and counsel from, so Devorah sent in a younger version of her adult best friend. The next thing she wanted to do was to express how she felt to her parents.
We brought up strength and courage from within her, and she was able to talk to her parents, and explain how burdened she felt by the responsibility they gave her for caring for her younger siblings and keeping the household running in the midst of near-constant chaos. In her imagination, her parents agreed to get more help around the house, absolving her of the responsibility for solving the family’s problems.
Devorah’s teenage self then felt able to go into the hospital room and hold her baby brother, healing the guilt the adult Devorah had been carrying for decades, that she hadn’t held him for the first few months of his life.
Many profound realisations came to Devorah as a result of this session. In particular, she realised she had developed a habit of becoming depressed in order to have an excuse to seek solitude when she needed it. Now she felt she had permission to meet her need for quiet, alone time without ‘having’ to be depressed.
A couple of weeks after the session, I received an email from Devorah which took my breath away. She wrote:
I wanted to tell you that a most amazing thing happened recently. It is regarding the Matrix Reimprinting experience that you took me through regarding a feeling that started when I was a teenager and my brother was born.
Both my parents independently spoke to me on their own accord. While we were walking home from synagogue my dad asked me how I felt about all the responsibility they put on me as a young child/girl and how it shaped who I am today. I was blown away to be asked such a specific question at this particular time about something that has been both a struggle and a source of strength for me in my life.
Even more incredible was my mother who just out of nowhere asked me directly about the feelings I had when my brother was born and she asked if I felt my parents had spoken to me and worked through how I was feeling at that time so that I felt understood. She actually recognized that it was a difficult time for me and wanted to talk about it.
There are so many things we have been through in our lives and that certainly wasn’t the most significant. But for some reason it was brought into their consciousness now at this time.
I had the amazing opportunity to speak to both of them together and share my Matrix experience. They were completely blown away! We were all crying. I told them everything you and I did together including bringing them in and them apologizing and accepting my space to be alone even in a good mood. I told them that they got more help and gave me my own room.
I hold nothing against them and love them so much (which I always did). I feel complete closure on the issue. I feel truly blessed and very lucky. Thank you for making this a reality for me!
In our religion we believe in a process called teshuvah which loosely translates as repentance but actually means return. It refers to the ability to rise above time and space and change things that have been wrong, even if they were intentional at the time.
Thank you so much Robyn! May you always see such success in you work and continue to help people exactly in the way they need! You have been blessed with a gift of healing!
“To rise above time and space and change things that have been wrong, even if they were intentional at the time.” I couldn’t put the essence of Matrix Reimprinting any better than this. It is truly a gift to humanity, and it’s a privilege for me to be able to help people like Devorah experience such profound healing.
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