What am I talking about????? Being overweight is most definitely unsafe: it raises your risk of type 2 diabetes, many types of cancer, degenerative arthritis, depression, and a host of other nasty conditions. So how could losing weight possibly be unsafe?
Well, there are many profoundly unsafe ways to lose weight (such as high-animal protein diets, taking up smoking, and developing a cocaine habit), but that’s not the kind of ‘unsafe’ I’m talking about here.
What I’m referring to is the feeling of it not being safe to lose weight – and that feeling is far more common, and far more destructive, than you might realise.
Why might people not feel safe to lose weight? Here are a few examples from my client files.
1. ‘Emma’* was sexually abused by a family member when she was in her early teens, and just starting to develop. At the time, she formed the belief that it was her budding sexual attractiveness that had ‘invited’ the abuse. Gaining weight felt like protection against this ever happening again.
2. ‘Tom’ always felt invisible in his family. His older brother was good-looking, smart and sporty, leaving Tom feeling like the also-ran. He began gaining weight in early adulthood. As a ‘big man’, he got noticed. Now in his 40s, he was afraid that losing weight would make him sink back into obscurity again.
3. ‘Georgia’ came from a family of ‘well-upholstered’ ladies. She had been through multiple cycles of weight gain and loss before. As we explored her weight loss history, she realised that whenever she lost weight, her mother, sisters and aunts would express grave concerns about her well-being, and her weight became a topic for general discussion in the family. This felt so intrusive to her that she would start to overeat again and regain the weight she’d lost, just to get them all off her back!
4. ‘Cheryl’ had a friend whom she’d known since high school. They had both gained weight as they got older. When Cheryl lost weight, her friend suddenly became more distant. Cheryl later found out, through another friend, that her friend’s husband had made complimentary remarks about Cheryl’s appearance, and her friend had become jealous and feared they might start an affair.
Now, bear in mind that none of these people had any conscious awareness that they held these beliefs, or that the beliefs were sabotaging their weight loss efforts. It was only as we discussed their histories of weight gain and loss, and explored their feelings about reaching their goal weight or size, that the bad memories came to the surface and the ‘Ah ha!’ moments arose.
And of course, rationally they could see that their fears made no sense: Emma was no longer a vulnerable child; Tom had many achievements under his belt; Georgia could learn new ways to handle her well-meaning family; and Cheryl definitely wasn’t interested in her friend’s husband and could let her know that!
But our unconscious minds don’t respond to logic, and the unconscious beliefs we form as a result of our experiences can’t be reasoned away. One of the primary purposes of the unconscious mind is to protect us from danger – including the danger of rejection, criticism and failure.
These experiences (which are of course, part of life) can be so painful and traumatising, that our unconscious minds will do anything to avoid us suffering the same way again. That’s when we find that, even though we’ve set a goal with our conscious mind, we keep sabotaging ourselves – stopping by the doughnut shop after the gym class; having ‘just one’ chocolate that turns into half the box; abandoning our exercise routine just when it’s starting to pay dividends.
Part of us is convinced that it’s not safe to change.
That’s where Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Matrix Reimprinting come in. I used these energy psychology techniques with each of the clients I described above, to unearth their unconsciously-held beliefs, help them understand why they had formed these beliefs and why they’d made sense at the time, and then facilitate releasing the beliefs at an emotional level so that they were free to form new, healthy beliefs that would help them reach their goals.
Once we locate the part of ourselves that doesn’t feel safe to change, and help that part let go of the fear, we experience a profound shift in energy.
As another of my clients commented after we had used Matrix Reimprinting to resolve a memory that was holding her weight loss efforts back, ‘I actually feel lighter!’ After that session, she noticed that her compulsion to overeat sweets simply disappeared. She didn’t even think about them anymore, and when they were put in front of her, she felt no desire to eat them.
And when you’re completely aligned with your goal of weight loss – with no part pulling you in the opposite direction – the process becomes simple and enjoyable. Just the way it should be.
That’s why EFT is a core component of my healthy weight-loss intensive, The LEAN Program. I’ve seen so many people for whom losing weight and keeping it off has been an ongoing struggle for years – even decades – before they came to see me.
If this is your story too, then I’m committed to helping you release that struggle so the process of losing weight feels easy, natural and sustainable – almost like a happy side-effect of your growing self-esteem and healthy self-love, rather than an end in itself.
* All names have been changed to protect confidentiality.
My intensive program for overcoming emotional eating, food addiction and poor body image, The LEAN Program, incorporates tapping on these and many other weight loss and body image related issues.
The LEAN Program is a completely new approach to weight loss – instead of counting kilojoules and restricting portion size, you will discover:
- How to choose foods that reduce cravings;
- How to tell when you’re truly hungry and when you’ve had enough to eat – and easily stop eating at that point; and
- How to transform your relationship with your body and with food, so that healthy eating just comes naturally to you, with no sense of deprivation.
Click here for all the details.
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